Thursday, August 28, 2008

A month to go: college hockey events I want to see...

Just to get myself in the mood for college hockey, here are some things I'd like to see happen. And, the chances of that actually occurring.

"Hockey East Semi-final Round features UML, UMA, PC and NU"- This would be a great time. Not only would the league's head explode due to the lack of the "traditional" powers, but the novelty would be awesome. And the best part is, you can sub Merrimack or UVM for any of these teams and have just as awesome a spectacle.
Chances of seeing this: The way the league is currently organized, slim to none.

"AIC wins the National Championship"- From worst... to first.
Chances of seeing this: 0

"Northeastern wins Beanpot"- With all of 4 Beanpots, does any fan base more deserve a win in this tournament?
Chances of seeing this: We say this yearly, but the Huskies keep getting better. This is not entirely outside of the realm of possibility. But... it never happens. Harvard is probably a better bet.
BTW: I excluded the GLI from this list because the "visitor" this year is UND. The Fighting Sioux win something annually. That's not impressive. MTU winning, would be something, but they still have about twice as many GLI trophies as NU does Beanpots.

"UAA wins the WCHA"- ... and then come the flying pigs.
Chances of seeing this: The WCHA usually boasts 5-6 tourney capable teams so this isn't entirely outside the realm of possibility. Unfortunately, it never seems to come together for the Sea Wolves. The chances are probably not good.

"UAF wins CCHA" - ... temperatures drop precipitously in Hell....
Chances of seeing this: Low. Since the Nanooks are usually worse than the Seawolves, this doesn't look promising either.

"Brown wins something other than the Mayor's Cup"- Brown is another team that always promises to be a competitor.
Chances of seeing this: Decent. Basically, I'd just like to see them torture someone other than PC.

"PC gets to the NCAA tournament"- Sigh.
Chances of seeing this: After last year? Abysmal

"Charlie Chaplin destroys someone elses computer"- Please, let this happen!
Chances of seeing this: Not goodUnless he gets access to some keys...

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

More props to other people's blogs...

This is unbelievably well said

If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know that I have zero tolerance for the three ring circus that has become the Red Sox Fan Experience. All that is basically necessary to root for this team is to actually enjoy baseball and to enjoy watching the Red Sox play the game of baseball. That's it. And that attitude is as true in 2008 - after 2 world series titles - as it was in 1967 during the year when the fan base was created. It was still true in all the years when the Red Sox finished in last place.

What is not necessary is some of the superfluous programming I see on NESN (Sox Appeal?!??!) , the idea of Red Sox "nation" and any piece of Red Sox equipment that is not navy blue, red and white (the green hats are as bad as the pink ones, in my opinion). While the anti-Pink Hat sentiment does venture into misogyny, I want to make it clear that this sentiment is NOT anti-woman. Nor is it anti-"casual" Red Sox fan (no reasonable human being should be expected to live and breathe this team. This is a sports affiliation, NOT a lifestyle). Instead, it's an indictment against the current marketing campaign that the Red Sox have embraced where they're TRYING to turn this into a lifestyle. It's not and I refuse to play this game. I love baseball and the Red Sox and I'm going to leave it at this.

There are is a reason I feel this way The experience of rooting for PC hockey has so poisoned my enjoyment of sports in general , that I can't get too attached to a team for fear that they will kill me - as the Bruins are slowly doing. This has made me a notoriously poor loser. If my team is losing, I will not stay until the "bitter end" unless there's a chance my team will pull it out or if I'm up in Maine and someone stole my alternator. Also keep in mind that while I love the Red Sox, I also love the Patriots (EVIL!!!), Celtics, Bruins, Friars, and Celtic FC. I'm a sports polygamist.

In summation, it's a sport. It should be fun. And the team's colors are still navy blue, red and white. And I like women.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Patriots football 2008: EVIL!

Let's face it: due to a variety of reasons, the New England Patriots are the most hated team in professional sports. True, many of these reasons are infantile, overblown and agonizingly dimwitted, but we do live a country where Paris Hilton was allowed to gain ascendancy. My proposal is this: instead of whining about how everyone hates, I say we embrace it! If we're going to root for the most hated team in America, let's give bovine America a show! Here are some ideas I've come up with.

1. Change the team's colors to black: black helmets, black shirts, black pants, black cleats, black everything. Instead of the Flying Elvis logo, put in an inverted Satanic pentagram. Also in black.

2. Patriots cheerleaders should now wear black bondage wear.

3. Convince Bill Belichick to wear a top hat and monocle along with the hoodie. He should also grow a long mustache he can twirl while cackling malevolently.

4. After each game, Tom Brady should threaten to steal the girlfriends and wives of the viewers at home.

5. Have Randy Moss embark on an automotive rampage. Pay him an extra million dollars for each pedestrian he runs over. And it goes without saying he should be blasting Judas Priest's "Breaking the Law" while he does this.

6. Patriots fans should begin communicating with each other on message boards and email by writing backwards.

7. Teddy Bruschi should begin wearing Heath Ledger's Joker makeup. On a similar promotional tie in, after sacking the quarterback, Richard Seymour should flip a coin to decide whether the QB lives or dies.

8. The Kraft family needs to cultivate Mafia ties. Then they need to wrap a dead fish in newspaper and send an Old Sicilian Message to our friends in Bristol CT.

9. Begin suing everyone who lamely accuses the Patriots of cheating for intellectual property rights. It should be noted that this strategy worked very well for Metallica.

10. One player on the team needs to start talking like Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars. The punter is a good option.

11. The Patriots organization forms a massive axis of evil with the New York Yankees, LA Lakers, Detroit Red Wings, Duke basketball, whichever SEC football team is winning right now and Gopher hockey. This Legion of Doom should visit other evil teams from around the globe (Manchester United and Real Madrid spring to mind) and consolidate their perfidy. Then they blackmail the UN with some sort of doomsday device.

12. Finally, each time the Giants or Jets lose Patriots fans (all of us) need to call up WFAN and laugh malevolently.

See, there are ways of dealing with the hostility of the American public that will provide all of us with endless entertainment! Remember, nothing is more amusing than goofy cartoonish super villainy! Hail Sata- er, Belichick!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

College hockey honeymoon options!

Shhh, don't tell Jenny. But, as much as I like the idea of going to Budapest, there is no college hockey in Hungary. So, let's look at some college hockey alternatives for our honeymoon, shall we?

Alaska (UA and UAA): The good thing about going to Alaska is that it's a beautiful state. Both of us would really like to visit. The bad news is the two teams are quite a distance from one another. And by the time the season starts, I'm sure it will be very VERY cold. Let's not forget which two teams usually finish in the bottom of the CCHA and WCHA respectively.

Boston (BC, BU, Hah-vahd, and NU): At least it would be cheap! The bad news is, not really a honeymoon spot.

Burlington VT (UVM): I love the Gutt and I love Burlington but there two problems here. 1. It's cold. 2. UVM's defense makes me want to jab needles in my eyes and slip into a coma. That's not romantic.

Colorado (DU, Air force, CC): Ah, it would be pretty and the hockey would be outstanding. But again, we need someplace warmer and preferably avalanche-free.

Orono, ME (Maine): Alfond is awesome and I would like to visit my alternator. But Orono is not exactly fun central (unless you crash one of the dozens of frat houses outside the rink) and once again - it would be cold.

Michigan (lower peninsula)(Michigan, MSU, FSU, WMU): Second only to Minnesota in the amount of options. However, I would be surrounded by Red Wings fans (sorry Mark!) and it wouldn't be too much of an improvement from Boston.

Michigan (upper peninsula)(LSSU, NMU, and MTU): Hey, it's the largest locks in the world! And the hockey would be decent. Unfortunately, we also have a very cold environment, Orono levels of excitement and the PK Ditty.

Minnesota (let's see: Minnesota, SCSU, UMD, BSU, and MSU-M. Phew!) A LOT of college hockey here. And, the Twin Cities is supposed to be a happening place. I would spend my entire honeymoon trying not to run into Garrison Keillor.

The North Country (SLU and Clarkson): Appleton and Cheel are fantastic places to see a game. But there is NOTHING to do here. Unless you want to drive up to Ottawa. I can see this honeymoon going poorly.

Upstate New York: (RPI, RIT, Union, Cornell, Colgate, Army, Canisius, Niagara): This might actually not be a bad trip. If it was summer and you were fishing. But having been to most of these places, I'm not sure I want to be there in winter (especially Colgate).

North Dakota (UND): I like snow as much as the next guy. But no...

Wisconsin (Wisconsin): Madison would be fun, but would Jenny really want to go back home for her honeymoon?

And now we see why Hungary is our best option!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Radio summation

Mornings with Jon:
1. The Sandbox (WFNX)- Music, wackiness, references to wookies.
2. Opie and Anthony (WBCN)- Norton cracks me up
3. The Takeaway/Morning Edition- Ah, NPR.
4. Dennis and Callahan - but only when they aren't there...

Afternoons with Jon:
1. Toucher and Rich (WBCN)- Recap correct!
2. Attitude Adjustment (WZLX)- Sitting on a park bench
3. The Big Show (WEEI)- blah blah blah blah
4. Big Jim (WFNX)- Laugh it up, fuzzball

As for weekends, I'm a giant NPR geek:
1. Says You
2. Car Talk
3. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me

...and I have been known to fall asleep during "Celtic Sojurn" and wake up during "Prairie Home Companion".

That kills this topic. Next blog post may very well be my favorite things to think about while in the bathroom. Sorry.

Afternoons in Waltham: Jon's radio adventures part II

So, my mornings on the radio have been mapped out. What of my afternoons?

"Attitude Adjustment Hour" (WZLX): I'm a sucker for classic rock. But not all of it; much like the Dude, I have no tolerance for the Eagles. But if you wait until 7, they play a block of Zepplin.
Versus Jon's Radio: Usually the radio wins. Especially if it's TULL!

"Big Jim" (WFNX): According to the guys on the Sandbox, he's a wookie! Chewie ruled.
Versus Jon's Radio: It depends. There's only so many times the human psyche can handle The Foo Fighters in the course of one hour. And I like the Foo Fighters. In fact, one of their CDs is in my car...

"All Things Considered" (NPR): Like a warm comfortable pair of shoes. Again.
Versus Jon's Radio: The CD player. I'm all newsed out by the time I get out of bed in the morning.

"the Big Show" (WEEI): Tolerable for about half the program, until the idiot callers start calling on the same subject. Over and over again. And then the hosts started talking at the same time. There are more professional offerings on public access.
Versus Jon's Radio: Okay half the time. But the Whiner Line is useless and the "outrage de jour" format can get tiresome.

"The Pink Hamster review" (WRKO): What sadist put Red Sox games on this station? No one who uses the word "moonbat" more than once should be taken seriously. So I don't.
Versus Jon's Radio: My CD player. Liberals suck and public servants are hacks. We get it. Move on.

"Whoever is filling in for Felger" (ESPN): You know what? I heard great things about this show in comparison to "the Big Show". I turned it on one day and it sounded like a more sedate version of "the Big Show". And now Felger is gone. Meh.
Versus Jon's Radio: CD player.

"Mistress Carey" (WAAF): I have no problem with Carey, at least in comparison to the aural train wreck that is Hillman. However, every time I turn on this station it's Nu-Metal. How in Hades did we go from Sabbath, Priest, Maiden, the Big Four of Thrash, GWAR (HAH!), and Pantera to THIS? At least Creed is loooonnnnnggg gone.
Versus Jon's Radio: CD player, usually. But it is funny to hear them play Bob Marley now. Awesome.

"Toucher and Rich" (WBCRadioN): This is the show that brought us the Gunner, Dating on Demand, Burger King Cheryl, Adolfo, and of course, Jojo Weiss aka Jojo Hennigan aka the Whopper the Whopper the Whopper Big Cheese Sandwich. And they play music.
Versus Jon's Radio: The radio. But it should be noted that the wacky shock jock schtick can get tiresome and if FNX overplays the Foo Fighters, WBCN overplays the Chili Peppers. That's much worse.

"Mike and the Mad Dog" (WFAN): Sadly, no longer with us. Sigh.
Versus Jon's Radio: CD player, because I can't get this show in Waltham. And now I really can't get it.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Charlie has failed...

...the hacks just keep coming.


Not only is the column still being recycle- er, written, but he's on to us! Bad kitty! Very very bad!

Moonbats assemble! Let the persecution of all non-liberals commence!

(in all seriousness, it's good to see the same idiots comment on every single Howie article. At least we know where they nest. )

Early morning in Roslindale: Radio choices

As many of you have figured out, I'm constantly waging a battle between whether or not to listen to my CD player or the radio. Given that I'm not about to lavish money on satellite radio just so I can listen to Howard Stern (uh, no), it's either the CD player or the radio for me. So let's match up my CD player with my radio listening options:

"The Takeaway"(NPR)- Maybe it's just me, but I keep hoping an on air brawl takes place between John Hockenberry, Adaora Udoji, and Femi Oki (who has the best name! Let us decide using the Wu Tang Sword Style!). It would certainly make the pledge drives more exciting.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Doesn't matter, since it only runs until 7 and I'm usually not in my car by that point.

"Morning Edition" (umm, also NPR): It's NPR. It's there. Like a comfortable pair of shoes.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Jon's CD player in a walk

"The Tom Finneran Show"(WRKO): Except for Red Sox games, WRKO is so utterly useless it defies description. To counteract the fact that they have the completely irrelevant Rush Limbaugh and the Pink Hamster on their station, WRKO decided to hire the poster boy of entrenched liberal power. And his show is just as awful as every other piece of excrement on this station. Good to see them stay fair and balanced.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Jon's CD player. The only way I could listen to this show would be if I was in a coma

"Opie and Anthony" (WBCN): The caveat is I'm basically listening to hear Jimmy Norton make fun of people. He's hilarious. Opie and Anthony aren't bad, but Norton doesn't get enough credit. Patrice is a riot too.
Versus Jon's CD Player: O and A, depending on who is on

"the Sandbox" (WFNX): Kind of like a more upbeat, happier version of the Toucher and Rich Show. And they play music! Granted, it's not always music I like (please STOP whoring for Coldplay), but it's music.
Versus Jon's CD Player: The radio. Unless it's Coldplay (again)

"Mike and Mike"(ESPN): Hey, it's average guys! Who like sports! What a concept!
Versus Jon's CD Player: The CD player. If I want average people discussing sports, I'll just talk to myself. Hey, I already do!

"Dennis and Callahan"(WEEI): Sometimes, you want to hear about sports. However, I never really want to hear whining about late games, running up the score, Manny bashing, liberal bashing and golf at 7 in the morning. Sorry. However, if they're on vacation, the show really isn't that bad!
Versus Jon's CD Player: The CD player runs up the score like Belichick here

"Imus" (wherever he ended up): His voice would make a sea cucumber murderous.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Take a wild guess.

"Hillman morning show" (WAAF): An awful collision of no music, bad parody songs, whiny self important liberal bashing, the atrocity known as "Mantown" and Spazz - the worst person I've ever heard on radio. Imagine someone as annoying as Mister Opportunity and as stupid as a Adolfo with the worst Boston accent ever. I shudder to think of listening to this for more than five minutes.
Versus Jon's CD Player: CD player. I like music!

"Jazz!" (the Harvard station. Wherever that is...)- Unfortunately, I'm all jazzed out by the time I go to bed in the evening. Thanks to Eric... in the evening. Sorry.
Versus Jon's CD Player: CD player, assuming it's not more jazz

Thursday, August 14, 2008

So far, so good...

There are certain moments in the past 6 years or so which lead me to believe Theo Epstein is the luckiest person to ever walk the planet. To whit: the trade for Jason Bay. The Red Sox had two huge problems leading into the trade deadline. 1. The team wasn't hitting and 2. the middle relief was a problem. Since the trade, the Red Sox went 5-1 at home, had a winning road trip (barely) and are 2-0 so far in their homestand against the Texas Rangers. All of this success is in spite of the fact that the trade did nothing to address either one of these areas. In fact, by getting rid of Manny Ramirez and Craig Hansen, the Red Sox might have actually weakened their offense and bullpen. The perfect example is the nightmarish 19-17 victory over the Rangers where the middle relief did everything in their power to give Texas a victory but the supposedly inadequate Big Papi/Yoooouuuukkkk part of the order won the game anyways. Defying all logic to the contrary.

So basically, despite all logic and reason to the contrary, the trade is working. I don't know if Theo is a genius, but I'm glad he's working for my team.

Random comments:

-Unlike the completely overblown Spring Training, no one cares about the NFL pre-season. And no one should.

-I'm glad to see Gerry Callahan is recovering from throat cancer. I thought I should type that given the fact I disagree with him on every issue imaginable and I refuse to listen to WEEI in the morning because of this.

-Scottish football is awesome. Yet another late game involving a Glasgow team (this time, my beloved Celtic) is settled with a questionable late penalty kill. You'd think someone would eventually do something about this, but nope.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Friday, August 1, 2008

Random thoughts on the post-Manny era:

Here's some more random crap that has been rolling around my head:

-While there's a huge sigh of relief from the Red Sox clubhouse, I have to wonder if they can really legitimately blame the incompetence of the past fortnight on Manny's infantile behavior. I understand his behavior was awful, but how does that explain why the pitching was horrendous? What we saw was a breakdown on every level - not just the one at left field. At some point, the Red Sox have to be held accountable for their overall crappiness. But as usual, it's easier to bash Manny than it is to criticize the organization. The Red Sox have done a magnificent job at positive public relations, but Mannygate still smacks of a distraction.

-And while we're on the subject, whether or not the Manny trade was a success remains to be seen. I can't stomache any more "addition by subtraction" talk, especially with the team in 4-12 death spiral. I hope Jason Bay can hit 3 home runs a game and pitch out of the bullpen, because that's pretty much what the team needs right now.

-As you can tell from my last blog entry, I've been on a bit of a MST3K kick lately. I can only hope that Rhino starts releasing more episodes sooner rather than label. In particular, it would be nice to see my two favorite Sci-Fi Channel era episodes - "Final Sacrifice" and "Riding with Death". I really want to see if Rowsdower can catch the elusive Robert Denby.

-Jenny and I will be camping this weekend. I can only hope we do not run afoul of any badgers.

-I don't think I can still link to this, but I read the stupidest article in the Wall Street Journal last week. It compared George W Bush to Batman. Honestly.

-Speaking of stupidity, when Michael Savage dies, I have a feeling he'll be watching "Rain Man" for all of eternity.

-Someone place Brett Favre under house arrest. It's tough to miss someone when they won't go away...

-Oh no! Another ex-Patriots employee has come out of the woodworks and made insane ad hominem attacks and unprovable allegations! Hopefully someone will call Gregg Easterbrook and advise him that he needs to put aside his attempts at the Grand Unified Theory of Physics to write another Dostoyevskiesque essay on how Belichik is the father of all that is unholy.