Somebody break a whole mess of computers part VI: Jason Takes Manhattan

For those of you who are coming to this blog for the first time... I apologize. Very sorry, I'll try to do better.

Seriously, for those of you who are new here, one of the running jokes in this blog is the destructive temperament of my cat, Charlie Chaplin. The only things my cat enjoys more than eating, my lap, and sleeping is destroying things. Sadly, his first victim was my computer. Since then, I've been trying to focus Charlie's destructive impulses for "good". "Good" in this case means destroying the computers of people who irritate me on the internet. (this is pretend of course. Charlie isn't allowed to leave the house, much less board a plane and start sabotaging other people's computers. I feel someone might take this is a serious threat. It's all in good fun, even if these people deserve it)

Here are Charlie's pending warrants of destruction and the status of those warrants:

-Bill O'Reilly: Reason for incurring my wrath? Writing the worst column known to man. Warrant status? Pardoned I've managed to avoid his awful writing for the better part of six months. The McCain defeat was punishment enough for him.

-Howie "The Hostage" Carr: Reason for incurring my wrath? Boring me to tears by writing about the same topic endlessly for 20 years and making me not care about government corruption at all. Bashing Patriots fans and gloating over Tom Brady's injury. Warrant status? pardoned Never followed up on his idiotic Brady bashing - probably because he was scared of Charlie. The defeat of his lady love (who can see Russia from her home!) was punishment enough.

-Gregg Easterbrook: Reason for incurring my wrath? Impersonating a Russian author. Warrant status? Oustanding I apologize to his editor for Charlie's lack of action. Imagine proofreading the Encyclopedia Britannica every week. Ouch!

-Phil Mushnick: Reason for incurring my wrath? Acting like the Bill O'Reilly of sports columnists. Mentioning pro-wrestling. Status of Warrant?Elevated Has been whinier than usual lately and has managed to stereotype all college athletes as criminals. Generalize much? Charlie needs to take out his monitor as well as his keyboard!

-Idiots on Youtube/ESPN: Reason for incurring my wrath? Being unable to spell, make a coherent thought, or function as a rational human being. Status of warrant? I'm sending Luca Brasi instead Add Boston.com to the list. These people need their computers smashed. I'm scared that I share oxygen with these jackanapes.

Here's the newest warrant for Charlie to take care of:

-Dan Shaugnessy: Reason for incurring my wrath? Writing a book about the Curse of the Bambino, thus perpetuating that curse non-sense. Writes about how every team in New England is going to win a championship... then changes his mind half way through the year and writes about how the teams suck. Say "Bye bye bye!" to your computer!

Patriots Game Review Week Two...

With the exception of the three Super Bowl wins, this is the sweetest win I can remember as a Patriots fans. So many people can pretty much bite me this evening:

-The New York press who was all but begging for Belichick to be publicly executed after the Jet "embarassed" the Patriots. How did that turn out?
-Jets fans who started chanting 18-1. How does 4-12 sound? Because if this is the best you can do, you'll be headed back there.
-The Pink Hamster. This "loser" in a Bruschi jersey enjoyed every moment of this. Stick to mooning over your sticky Sarah Palin photos and leave the football commentary to people who like sports. If you wanted to "shoot your way out" of your WRKO contract by bashing WEEI, you failed. Again.
-Shaugnessy - the Curly Haired Boyfriend - who started this nonsense by saying the Pats would make the Super Bowl. Just please. Stop. No more.
-Everyone on ESPN who - without exception- picked the Jets. Take my advice to Shaughnessy and just give up. I can't predict anything and apparently neither can you.
-The Patriots "fans" jumping off the bandwagon after the Brady injury. You're not fans. Go away. And leave the Red Sox and Celtics alone as well.
-The walking turds on the Herald message board - especially the Howie Carr apologists (just leave the state already), the idiot Jets fans, and the twits who said Brady "deserved" his injury because he wasn't faithful to Bridget Moynihan. What the hell does that have to do with sports? Talk about failure on a titanic level.

So now that my immature trash talking is over, the Pats find themselves matched up with a horrible Dolphins team next week. It seems easy, but the Pats struggled against a miserable Chiefs team and a massively over-hyped Jets team. Not to mention the fact that Pats were clueless on offense up until the touchdown drive in the third quarter. Eventually, Cassel and Randy Moss have got to get on the same page. I was pleasantly surprised by Lamont Jordan - I'd like to see more of him - and the defense got MUCH better in this game. Only Brett Favre's creativity kept the Jets moving. The special teams had a great game as well. It looks like this team is moving in the right direction despite the obvious lack of a Tom Brady.

Charlie: you've got some explaining to do, sir!

Whiny Patriots fans?

Do I even need to read the latest atrocity from our friend at the Herald to tell that it's not for my consumption? No, I really don't. I guess it's been a slow week for public employee hacks, Whitey Bulger news and GOP apologizing if Captain Tedium is going after the fans of the New England Patriots. Charlie Chaplin is a bad kitty for not destroying his computer months ago.

Of course, this is nothing new from the Herald who strayed severely from their "We Love the Pats" coverage (which used to be a nice change from the Sox obsessed Globe)drastically with their "Bellicheat" cover, John Tomase's imaginary St. Louis Rams walkthrough story, and Tony Massoratti's ill conceived story about losers in Tedy Bruschi jerseys. The hits just keep on coming.

Meanwhile, Bob Ryan says this better than I ever could. Come back off the ledge people. The Sox are 1.5 games out of first, and the Pats season hasn't ended. Yet.

Afternoons in Waltham: Jon's radio adventures part II

So, my mornings on the radio have been mapped out. What of my afternoons?

"Attitude Adjustment Hour" (WZLX): I'm a sucker for classic rock. But not all of it; much like the Dude, I have no tolerance for the Eagles. But if you wait until 7, they play a block of Zepplin.
Versus Jon's Radio: Usually the radio wins. Especially if it's TULL!

"Big Jim" (WFNX): According to the guys on the Sandbox, he's a wookie! Chewie ruled.
Versus Jon's Radio: It depends. There's only so many times the human psyche can handle The Foo Fighters in the course of one hour. And I like the Foo Fighters. In fact, one of their CDs is in my car...

"All Things Considered" (NPR): Like a warm comfortable pair of shoes. Again.
Versus Jon's Radio: The CD player. I'm all newsed out by the time I get out of bed in the morning.

"the Big Show" (WEEI): Tolerable for about half the program, until the idiot callers start calling on the same subject. Over and over again. And then the hosts started talking at the same time. There are more professional offerings on public access.
Versus Jon's Radio: Okay half the time. But the Whiner Line is useless and the "outrage de jour" format can get tiresome.

"The Pink Hamster review" (WRKO): What sadist put Red Sox games on this station? No one who uses the word "moonbat" more than once should be taken seriously. So I don't.
Versus Jon's Radio: My CD player. Liberals suck and public servants are hacks. We get it. Move on.

"Whoever is filling in for Felger" (ESPN): You know what? I heard great things about this show in comparison to "the Big Show". I turned it on one day and it sounded like a more sedate version of "the Big Show". And now Felger is gone. Meh.
Versus Jon's Radio: CD player.

"Mistress Carey" (WAAF): I have no problem with Carey, at least in comparison to the aural train wreck that is Hillman. However, every time I turn on this station it's Nu-Metal. How in Hades did we go from Sabbath, Priest, Maiden, the Big Four of Thrash, GWAR (HAH!), and Pantera to THIS? At least Creed is loooonnnnnggg gone.
Versus Jon's Radio: CD player, usually. But it is funny to hear them play Bob Marley now. Awesome.

"Toucher and Rich" (WBCRadioN): This is the show that brought us the Gunner, Dating on Demand, Burger King Cheryl, Adolfo, and of course, Jojo Weiss aka Jojo Hennigan aka the Whopper the Whopper the Whopper Big Cheese Sandwich. And they play music.
Versus Jon's Radio: The radio. But it should be noted that the wacky shock jock schtick can get tiresome and if FNX overplays the Foo Fighters, WBCN overplays the Chili Peppers. That's much worse.

"Mike and the Mad Dog" (WFAN): Sadly, no longer with us. Sigh.
Versus Jon's Radio: CD player, because I can't get this show in Waltham. And now I really can't get it.

Somebody smash this man's keyboard: Part Two

Charlie Chaplin, professional computer destroyer, on the case again!

I'm not even going to describe our next victim, just read these articles (or skim them it doesn't take long to get the point):

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

So let me get this straight: Howie Carr is best columnist at the Herald - if not the city - as he is a bulwark against those nasty money grubbing liberals who soak tax payers and try to get gay people married and blah blah blah. Yet, in the span of one week, Howie has written the same column THREE F----ING TIMES. What is this, "Back to the Future"? And trust me, this is a small sampling. Howie only has three columns, which he has repeated ad infinitum for as long as I've been unfortunate to pay attention: the column on some "pol" who is "hacking" money, the one about his best friend Whitey Bulger, and the one where Howie is better than everyone because he voted for our idiot president. This are his only topics. For eight years. That's about 150 columns a year, right? The mind reels.

And here's the truly frustrating thing about this: I have no doubts that Howie is 100% accurate. The state of Massachusetts is an open sewer of corruption and privilege. So basically, this man has made the fact that my state is a haven of "hackery" boring?!?! Is that even remotely plausible? Yet, it has happened. I can't read any of his columns past the first paragraph without feeling the need to take a long nap. Not even the Bruins have inspired this much yawning in Boston.

Truly, the champion of the Blue Collar worker in Taxachusetts needs to either save his bile for a weekly expose or have my cat break his keyboard and stop the madness once and for all.