Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Welcome 2009!

Happy New Year! To the twelve people who read my blog on a consistent basis, all the best for the new year and stay safe.

To everyone else, no, I'm not that bitter and sarcastic in real life. Believe it or not...

Friday, December 26, 2008

Lulz-akers: I can haz NBA Championchip!!!11!!1!

So, if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you'll realize that the one thing that I enjoy making fun of is over the top comments surrounding sports. And I need go no further this morning than the Lakers' victory over the Celtics.

Typically, the response from Boston fans was the usual "we suck" BS that is foisted upon us by WEEI and it's endless stream of Chicken Little callers and "I hate sports" hosts. But I keep forgetting how endlessly amusing Lakers fans are. This is group whose response to losing the NBA title in June was to bash the officials (which apparently - after the atrocity the officials put forth last night where the C's had 2 free throws the ENTIRE FIRST HALF - only they are allowed to do), make a variety of inane comments about how the championship was tainted by the Celtics "buying" a title (ever heard of "trades"?) and offer grim predictions that make me think they've somehow confused Andrew Bynum with Shaq. Well, apparently, they're no more lucid when they win. A few common threads from our friends in La-la land:

1. "This win was 'revenge'." If this is true, why weren't they awarded a title? If you want to "avenge" losing the NBA title, shouldn't you take the title away from the Celtics?

2. "(Celtics player's name here) is a dirty player." Apparently, the ref believes you.

3. "This is proof that the Lakers are awesome and will win the NBA title going away." It's December. If this is such a truism, I'll be attending the Stanley Cup parade next week. I understand that the months all blend together in southern California when you have no weather, but check your calenders.

4. "Celtics fans are living in a fantasy world." A fantasy where the defending NBA champions are 27-3? Umm, no. That's reality.

5. "This is a measuring stick game!" No, not really. It's one game. A true measuring stick is a 7 game series. We have a while to go. I will tell you that the Celtics weren't sharp last night and that MIGHT have something to do with the loss.

In summary, it's December. I know of no sport where titles are won in December. We have to wait about 6 months to figure out who will win the NBA title. But please: keep amusing us all with your insane Lul Catesque missives about how awesome Kobe is and how much Boston sucks. Because I seem to remember reading the same garbage last June. How'd that turn out, ultimately?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch/You'll shoot your eye out!

Dear Red Sox fans,

First off, Merry Christmas/Happy Hannukah/Festive Festivus, whatever.

Second off, calm down. Relax. We go through this every year. I know that not signing Texiera and the apparent paralysis of Red Sox management to sign ANYONE AT ALL this year is frustrating, but we're getting too down on the team right now.

I understand that a certain third place team in the Bronx just got a whole lot better, basically by making obvious free agent signings they could afford. Yes, the Be-Pinstriped Ones will be much better next year. But they do that every year. How is this morning any worse than the morning following the Sabathia signing? How on earth is this different from the pick ups of A-Rod and Giambi?

Are Red Sox fans really dumb enough to NOT remember these things happening? And remembering how it didn't lead to a 27th World Championship for You Know Who (and I don't mean Voldemorte).

Don't these spending sprees usually back fire?

Everyone needs to calm down, relax and remind yourselves: it's only December.

Hugs and kisses,

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Do we share the same brain? "I want to be a dentist!"

More good things other people wrote

Again, I'm on the same page with someone. Scary, eh?

How actual Boston fans think: "No one will believe Santa Claus was captured by Martians!"

I get the impression that I'm not alone as a Boston fan. Most fans do at least have a passing interest in the teams in the four major sports (yeah, I count hockey. Bite me, ESPN.) and want all the teams to do well. While I will concede that the Red Sox are the most popular team in town, I don't think this means that no one cares about the other three teams. The interest just goes up and down: I love the Bruins, but trust me, I wasn't planning my evenings around them a few years ago when they were dead in the water. The same could be said about the pre-KG Celtics who were trying very hard to lose their way into a lottery spot.

I'm bringing this up because I think the general population of the United States thinks that Boston is a "bandwagon" town. They also think American Idol is a good show and Britney Spears is interesting (hee hee). This is wrong. With the exception of a few insane fan bases, you don't see too many teams selling out buildings when they're lousy. A good example was the barren mausoleum that the Patriots played in last week. Gee, and here I was thinking the Raiders had a rabid group of fans? The point is, when the teams suck, the fans aren't going to pay exorbitant ticket prices to see them play. Boston fans are no different from any other sports fans in America in this regard. I also love the idea that the Patriots had no fans until 2001. In reality, the current interest in the team started with Bill Parcells in 1993. Get your facts straight. Also, the interest in the Red Sox pre-dates 2004. Try 1967.

If you want to trash the people who just suddenly remembered the Celtics existed after 15 years, go right ahead. But not all of us forgot them. We just weren't filling the Fleet/Garden to see ML Carr, Rick Pitino and pre-KG Doc Rivers attempt to get lottery picks.

I also take umbrage at the concept that we spend all of our time whining about officials. The reason this gets brought up is the outrage over the level of officiating in the NBA play offs last year. I'm sorry, but everyone complains about the officiating in the NBA. It's genuinely inexplicable. Sorry, but Boston fans - as well as the fans of the other 30 odd teams in the NBA - have a point here.

The idea that New Englanders are rioting idiots is also untrue. Most of the rioting seems to take place on or around college campuses. I don't know how many people remember college, but there was a lot of drinking and a lot of idiocy going on in the evenings. The fact that in a college town, college kids are making asses of themselves is a non-story. That they shouldn't be out pulling this crap is a given. But labeling Boston fans as European soccer hooligans is humerous, especially with all the kids who are going to school here from out of state. The guy who works 9-5, five days a week isn't over turning cars on Huntington Avenue.

Last, and most obvious: I can pronounce the letter "R". And most of the rest of my fellow fans can as well. We just choose not to.

See everyone? We're a lot alike. Let's all join hands and sing a jaunty tune!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Bruins vs. Celtics Debate: "Marley was dead to begin with."

Let the debate continue... and then end.

I'm not offended by this article. I'm offended by the existence of it. Why not enjoy the fact that both teams are successful? Why do we have to rank everyone?

This isn't the first time the Globe has pulled this crap: they celebrated the Celtic's NBA title by reminding everyone about the popularity of the Red Sox. Did they think we all forgot? It's possible to root for multiple teams in multiple sports.

As someone who roots for and loves all four major Boston sports teams, these conversations make no sense to me.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Fall out from PC/URI: "I never thought it was such a bad little tree."

From the PC Sucks board

From the I Hate Tim Welsh Society

Fortunately, two groups of fans griping about one thing or another is the worst thing that happened this year. In past we had the Rhody mascot beaten up in a bathroom, the PC mascot attempting to distract URI's cheerleaders and various atrocities - most of them blown far out of proportion by the incredibly whiny president at Rhody. As nasty as it does seem, this is a fairly mellow conversation compared to year's past.

There are two points that get brought up again and again in these arguments. The first is the renovation of the Dunkin Donuts Center. URI fans are enraged that state funds went to "fix" this facility. The problem with their argument is that unless they really hate the Providence Bruins - the main tenant of the Dunk - they really don't have much to complain about. Since the Baby B's are the going to be the prime benefactors of any improvement done to the Dunk, they should be the ones criticized. The tax money in Rhode Island is probably going to to things about 9,000 times stupider. Why then the four year crying jag about this?
Because PC would benefit from the renovations, and God forbid that ever happen. They want to punish PC because they hate them. That's pretty much the end of the argument. For a PC fan, reading any thread on the Projo board is the equivalent of banging your head against a desk over and over again. Banging your head is probably more productive as well. I see that 4 years of complaining about the Dunk renovations on a message board didn't work. Funny that. All the moronic "Pee Cee" comments in the world didn't suddenly lead to PC's summary eviction from the Dunk. (I don't know, maybe if it wasn't the same 10-12 mouth breathing cretins complaining about the Friars non stop, someone would take them seriously. I don't know...)

Now for the twits in my own fan base: the Friars are not in the position to be ending this rivalry or telling Rhody that PC will now be hosting all future match ups. I don't care if URI is a "crappy A-10 team". PC is a crappy Big East team. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the Friars didn't suddenly turn into UCLA. Blame Tim Welsh all you want, but the the team hasn't done anything in the post season since 1997. Each and every year, the team completely lost the plot once March rolled around. If PC was Duke, it would be easy to tell URI to pound sand. But it isn't like PC is a far better program that URI. In fact, they're probably about equal, save that PC is in a better conference. How the hell do you look down on Rhody after the past 10 years?
Besides which, should PC be able to win at the Ryan Center before they even think of dismissing the home and home aspect of this rivalry? My suggestion for PC fans who hate having their team's RPI dragged down by Rhody is this: Beat them. Then the other solutions will present themselves. There's no reason to suspend this match up or move it exclusively to the Dunk. I also think two PC/URI games every year is silly.
As far as the PC AD bending over backwards to make URI welcome and not getting a reciprocal deal at the Ryan Center, this is the same crew that schedules home basketball games at the same times as home hockey games.

One last thing, I will never understand Rhody fans who refuse to go to Providence and PC fans who refuse to go to North Kingston. It's a 40 minute drive. I drive longer than that to go to work every morning.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

PC Hockey: Too much!!

For Brown, at least.

Ladies and gentlemen, your Mayor's Cup Champions!!!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Two rivals: Out you two pixies go through the door or through the window!

Apparently, it is rivalry week in Friar Country, an event so momentous that it nearly escaped by attention. As I intimated about a month ago, PC really lacks a truly consistent rival in ice hockey. The same is not true in basketball. The Dribbling Friars (which just sounds wrong, doesn't it?) have the University of Rhode Island Rams, a team that not only plays the Friars even, but who has a fan base that intensely dislikes PC and everything about it! Awesome! It also helps that - unlike with BC, BU, Brown, and UNH in ice hockey, PC has a winning record against Rhody and thus is the obstacle - a nice change from the hockey team.

It helps that PC fans actually acknowledge Rhody as a rival. This comment might be disputed by some Rams fans, I do get the impression that PC fans legitimately care about winning this game. While some arrogantly assume that PC should "always" win this contest, in reality I think most of us realize that this is going to be a tough contest (especially at the Ryan Center where URI never misses a 3 point shot). I don't think anyone really looks down on the Atlantic Ten to the extent where they think URI is a "gimme" - there are too many upsets in this series. Still no one at PC "hates" Rhody the same way they dislike UCONN, Georgetown, BC or Syracuse. And a quick trip to the Providence Journal message board (I wouldn't recommend it) will convince you that a sizable subset of Rhody fans are obsessed with PC and the renovation of the Dunkin Donuts Center to a level that makes the "Yankees Suck" phenomenon look entirely rational.

And on the opposite side of the coin, we have Brown hockey. Not only does no one at Brown seem to seriously hate PC hockey (which these days is like having a personal grudge against the Clippers), they don't seem to care about hockey, period. It's easy to see why. Brown has had precious little success since going to the Frozen Four in 1976. PC fans really don't hate Brown. In fact, I root for Brown when they aren't playing PC. So much for hate.

So we go from the irrational feelings on both sides of the PC/URI rivalry to the feeling of "meh" in ice hockey. So far, irrational wins over meh with PC taking out URI by one free throw on Saturday and the worst season in PC ice hockey continuing on Tuesday.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Rant of the Week: Not a creature was stirring... except for Mr. Hanky!

As far as updates on my beloved Skating Friars, there aren't any. Literally nothing has changed in the past month. It's nice that the team put forth solid efforts in both third periods last weekend, but the result was still two 4-2 losses. One of these days, the team will put together these third periods into a 60 minute game and come up with their third win of the year.

What better time to get this win against winless Brown? The Bears have two less wins than PC, proving that the Friars might not be the most pathetic team in college hockey. Of course, the game is at Meehan Auditorium and will feature ECAC officials, making this an uphill climb. I've never seen a greater variety of insane, imaginary calls than the ones called against PC in ECAC rinks. It looks highly likely that the Mayor's Cup will be going back to Bruno in a game that no one - except a handful of people on both sides - really cares about any more.

The good news is that the Friday night game at Quinnipiac will be on NESN. All of New England will be able to see if PC can FINALLY get off the mat against the Skating Deer Ticks.

Random rants:

-Two things that cracked me up this week: Dave Hendrickson's annual Christmas column where Tim Army refers to Santa Claus as a "pantload" and MeanEgirl's entry on the MTU Blog that is basically Mr. Hanky's cousin. Misery can actually be really funny.

-Also, in the amusing category, yet another Dan Shaugnessy column where he not only jumps the gun, he launches himself into orbit. I'm very close to sending Charlie Chaplin to torch Mr. Shaugnessy's keyboard for this outstanding display of hubris. The Celtics are many things, but "invincible" is not one of them.
Notice the comments section - always a display of idiocy whenever it appears - is full of Portland Trailblazer fans talking smack about their "new" dynasty. Apparently, standards of dynasties have dropped precipitously when 14 wins in December constitutes a "dynasty". And this after people tried to deny the Pats had a dynasty after 3 Super Bowl wins in four years - mostly with logic that would have you laughed out of Socrates' classroom in Athens. If PC wins either the Brown or QU games, I'm declaring the Friars a legitimate dynasty! Go us!

-Hi Mark! and... best of luck!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Randomizer: Bing Crosby tap dances with Danny ****ing Kaye!

Just some random comments while I sit here waiting to get a call from Bill Bellichick to play cornerback this Sunday.

-If you remember back to October, I was beyond frustrated with the tenor of the columns coming from our local sports media about how the Red Sox were going to be eating Tampa Bay's dust for the next decade - it not millennium. Well, that was merely a sideshow for all the "Patriots are finished!!!1!!11!" drivel we've been subjected to the past week. The focus on the Patriots should be on the shoddy secondary, the dropped passes and the special teams choking at inopportune times. Or, you could be completely lazy, say that the Pats are "over" as a relevant team in the NFL and commence the teeth gnashing and garment rending (as you secretly rejoice that you can now focus on Red Sox 24/7 and pray that a bus runs into KG and Tim Thomas so you can go back to exclusively covering the Red Sox again).

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

-The NHL really has some explaining to do: schedule wise, the Bruins are in the midst of a five game "vacation". While I'm sure the B's are happy for the impromptu holiday, it would have been nice to see them sooner after the win over the Red Wings on Saturday. Then we have Sean Avery suspended for referring to his ex-girlfriend as "sloppy seconds". Really. The NHL has long had this issue in dealing with goonery and cheap shots (why else wasn't Ulf Sammuelson not given a lifetime ban?) and now you're penalizing the most hated player in hockey for making a goofy and mildly inappropriate comment? Does that make an ounce of sense?

-The NBA also needs to figure something out: the Celtics have somehow committed an incredible 39 technical fouls in 19 games. That's 14 as many as the next team in the list. I've watched the C's play frequently this year and they don't strike me as a chippy team. In fact a recent article went into the nature of the technicals, and most of them are because the Celtics are (I can not believe this) overly exuberant. Isn't one of the positive attributes in sports displays of emotion? The NBA needs to stop following the lead of the No Fun League and back off on displaying emotion.

-Sadly, nothing has changed with the Skating Friars. Nothing. Meanwhile, PC basketball is disappointing everyone except those of us too jaded by the end of the Welsh era to muster any surprise at anything. The black cloud above the PC athletic department hasn't moved since Corey Wright missed a chance to send the 97' Friars to the Final Four.

-Hi Mark!