Somebody break a whole mess of computers part VI: Jason Takes Manhattan

For those of you who are coming to this blog for the first time... I apologize. Very sorry, I'll try to do better.

Seriously, for those of you who are new here, one of the running jokes in this blog is the destructive temperament of my cat, Charlie Chaplin. The only things my cat enjoys more than eating, my lap, and sleeping is destroying things. Sadly, his first victim was my computer. Since then, I've been trying to focus Charlie's destructive impulses for "good". "Good" in this case means destroying the computers of people who irritate me on the internet. (this is pretend of course. Charlie isn't allowed to leave the house, much less board a plane and start sabotaging other people's computers. I feel someone might take this is a serious threat. It's all in good fun, even if these people deserve it)

Here are Charlie's pending warrants of destruction and the status of those warrants:

-Bill O'Reilly: Reason for incurring my wrath? Writing the worst column known to man. Warrant status? Pardoned I've managed to avoid his awful writing for the better part of six months. The McCain defeat was punishment enough for him.

-Howie "The Hostage" Carr: Reason for incurring my wrath? Boring me to tears by writing about the same topic endlessly for 20 years and making me not care about government corruption at all. Bashing Patriots fans and gloating over Tom Brady's injury. Warrant status? pardoned Never followed up on his idiotic Brady bashing - probably because he was scared of Charlie. The defeat of his lady love (who can see Russia from her home!) was punishment enough.

-Gregg Easterbrook: Reason for incurring my wrath? Impersonating a Russian author. Warrant status? Oustanding I apologize to his editor for Charlie's lack of action. Imagine proofreading the Encyclopedia Britannica every week. Ouch!

-Phil Mushnick: Reason for incurring my wrath? Acting like the Bill O'Reilly of sports columnists. Mentioning pro-wrestling. Status of Warrant?Elevated Has been whinier than usual lately and has managed to stereotype all college athletes as criminals. Generalize much? Charlie needs to take out his monitor as well as his keyboard!

-Idiots on Youtube/ESPN: Reason for incurring my wrath? Being unable to spell, make a coherent thought, or function as a rational human being. Status of warrant? I'm sending Luca Brasi instead Add Boston.com to the list. These people need their computers smashed. I'm scared that I share oxygen with these jackanapes.

Here's the newest warrant for Charlie to take care of:

-Dan Shaugnessy: Reason for incurring my wrath? Writing a book about the Curse of the Bambino, thus perpetuating that curse non-sense. Writes about how every team in New England is going to win a championship... then changes his mind half way through the year and writes about how the teams suck. Say "Bye bye bye!" to your computer!

Somebody Break His Keyboard Part Five: Burnination!

Charlie Chaplin - my computer annihilating cat - has had a nice vacation recently. I haven't sent him out to destroy anyone's computer for a few weeks now. Well, I'm sorry Charlie, but you're on the case again. This victim has had this computer destruction coming for a while now:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/06132008/sports/mckay_too_classy_for_tv_today_115289.htm

Here's the reason why Mr. Mushnick has earned this dubious honor. Much like Bill O'Reilly, he can't go an article without kvetching about the lack of "decency" in the world, only this time in the sporting world. But since O'Reilly is a lame conservative commentator, it's kind of expected. Phil Mushnick writes about sports. And here's the rub.

Professional wrestling is not a sport. It should not be discussed in an article about sports. See, there's a difference between the WWE and sports leagues: the results aren't decided ahead of time (unless David Stern feels like it, apparently). Why Phil can't seem to figure this out is beyond me. If I see a column in the "sports" section, and the column is about professional wrestling, my first thought is that the columnist in question is desperately confused about the purpose of his job. If he does it continuously, it makes me think I should stop reading his column. If Phil Mushnick is going to spend his time complaining about Vince McMahon, he should branch out and start writing about politics, astrology, gossip or even the mating habits of the American Badger. Because all of those things have as much to do with sports as professional wrestling.

I know I'm not the first person to complain about this. I know that pro-wrestling fans hate Mushnick with a passion, but that's to be expected because he's going after their favorite thing. But I think most of the rest of us are pissed at Mushnick because - again - professional wrestling is not a sport. Yet he keeps bringing it up. I've been complaining about this since I was a teenager and Mushnick wrote a weekly column in TV Guide where he frequenly complained about wrestling. This was kind of irritating 15 years ago, and the act hasn't improved with age.

Sic him, Charlie.