Wednesday, April 2, 2008

It's the Jon show!!!!

I do tend to complain about WEEI; this includes message boards, this blog, my friends and family, and the prayers at night I say to God in hopes that Gerry Callahan will let go his hatred of liberals for an entire week and talk sports for 5 hours a day. As you can tell from the fact that WEEI's format has not changed and they still remain the number one sports station in the region, they're not paying attention to me. I believe this is because all I've done is make fun of them. In other words, I'm not being constructive in my criticism. It's one thing to mock Fred Smerlas for being unable to go 5 minutes without talking over his co-hosts, it's another thing to give him advice on how to make his stepping on them more entertaining. So, to keep things positive, here is what I would do if I had my own sports radio show.

(Yes Jenny and the Curious Offbeats, this will be yet another sports entry. Sorry. Next entry I'll suggest we convince Charlie Chaplin that Ann Coulter's head is a ball of yarn. Given her intelligence level, that shouldn't be hard.)

No politics: I don't care, the listeners don't either. Besides as a moderate, does anyone want 5 hours of me waffling about whether McCain is a bigger creep than Hilary? Come on now. (Besides, the answer is obviously Hilary. Just kidding)

Talk about any and all sports: I'm tired of turning on WEEI and hearing nothing but Red Sox and Patriots - with five seconds of talk about whether Kevin Garnett is better than Larry Bird was. What the hell? If I had show, we'd talk about all four major sports (yes, hockey counts) and college sports and anything up to and including NASCAR. I think it would be interesting. I might be alone in that.

No... You could NOT manage the Red Sox better than Terry Francona. Tito get's more criticism than Deval Patrick, yet has a better record. I'm hanging up on any caller who can't understand that he probably wouldn't out manage someone with two World Series rings. What's next, people who think they can out gameplan Bellichick? Out fox Red Auerbach? Out dress Don Cherry?

No celebrity callers: ... because most of them are miserable. Especially the ones on WEEI. Jim the Wrestling Goon? Umm, pro wrestling isn't a sport. Unless he's going to discuss the big Cyclones/Hawkeyes meet in Iowa, it's not sports related. How did he get on the air? Angry Bill is even worse. Here's someone who's criticism of the Red Sox actually INCREASED when the Sox won the world series. And it got even worse this year when they won AGAIN. How is that possible? Then you have Dakota, who moans about the Patriots during the season where they go undefeated (well, kind of undefeated). Huh? No celebrity callers. Every caller will get a chance to get on the air, but no more than once a week. Viva democracy.

I do not have a crush on Hazel Mae: Or Tina Cervasio. Or Amelie Benjamin. Probably not Sonny Watrous either. Because I'm pretty sure she can kill me with a slapshot.

My enterance music: I have a few choices: "Hell Awaits" by Slayer? "This is Hardcore" by Pulp? "A Shoehorn with Teeth" by They Might Be Giants? Lot's of places I could go with this...

The Chili Guy would be my cohost: He's the richest guy through the country baby.

So those are my ideas for the Jon show. Now you know why no program director in their right mind would let me near a microphone.

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