Sunday, March 30, 2008

Somebody smash this man's keyboard...

I should really loan my cat out to people who need their computers destroyed. Case in point is FoxNews "personality" Bill O'Reilly. When we last heard from Mr. No Spin Zone, he was trying to tell us that he wasn't racist by musing that a restaurant in Harlem did not feature people screaming the f-word at the top of our lungs. Which of course is the reason why the Klan hates black people: they despise people who use obscenities. The whole shebang was lampooned mercilessly in the press (Opie and Anthony in particular had some fun at Bill's expense) and at the end of day, the problem isn't that it Bill O'Reilly is a racist - he probably isn't - he problem is that he used the lamest possible explanation that he isn't. It was even dumber than the old "some of my best friends are black people!" line because he had to use an idiotic stereotype (all African Americans scream motherf***er at random intervals, right?) to prove his completely unneccessary point. The lesson is: if you don't want people to think you're a racist DON'T TRY SO HARD.

Well, all that was good fun, but unfortunately, Mr. O'Reilly writes a weekly column that if anyone was paying attention, would be just as heavily parodied. In the most recent column, he chastises the liberal media (this is always a sign that your column is going to suck) for not reporting on infighting in the Daily Kos between Hilary Clinton supporters and Barack Obama supporters. Here's the problem with Bill O'Reilly's column: does anyone really care what the Daily Kos has to say about anything? Aside from die hard liberals who already hate Hilary anyways? I mean, why would the general media pick up a story on what some lunatics from the far left have to say on their message boards? The only people who would care are conservatives who are hard up for column ideas and people on Daily Kos. For everyone else, this is a colossal waste of time. Hey, at least the Daily Kos now has something in common with most of the people who take Fox News seriously: they both hate Hilary.

This would be like me trying to leak to the general media that the college hockey community really hates small burying rodents and is generally hostile towards men in striped jersies who officiate hockey games. It's a total non-story.

Sadly, that's not the dumbest thing I've ever read in a Bill O'Reilly column. Earlier, Mr. O'Reilly decided that it was worth it to once again chastise the liberal media (do you sense a pattern here?) for not embracing the wholesome family goodness that is "High School Musical 2: Electric Boogaloo". Could the reason why the "liberal media" is not fawning over themselves be because everyone is sick to the gills with this tween media silliness? Especially parents of children from the ages of 6 to 11 who already had to mortgage the f***ing house to buy "Hannah Montana" tickets? Could that be it? Or is the liberal media just really really hateful towards poor Zak Effron? Either way, I do get the impression that if given the decision between watching the family unfriendly, expletive laden "Goodfellas" or "High School Musical Two: The Wrath of Khan", Bill O'Reilly is going to chose "Goodfellas" just like the rest of us.

I'll save you a seat Bill. Just make sure you bring the popcorn.

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