Wasted time

I'd like to thank Matt Walsh, Arlen Spector and ESPN for wasting EVERYONE'S time with their inability to let go of the Spygate thing. The Patriots got caught taping signals, were summarily punished and for some reason, that wasn't enough for anyone. No, for some reason, the anti-Patriot contingent on the ESPN comments sections had to get their way, and the media - feeding this extreme form of lunacy, gave them ammunition by producing ex-Patriots "scout" Matt Walsh who claimed to have tapes of the Pats doing naughty things. Well he did, but they all seemed to be tapes from 2001-2002 where this practice was - if not accepted - then at the very least not widely enforced. So basically, we had to sit though 9 months of this "conspiracy" theory nonsense to get a payoff of ...

drum roll please...

absolutely NOTHING.

Do you mean to tell me that in the past 9 months, nothing in the sports world or even the world outside of sports (cue Mr Spector) has happened that would be considered more important that whether or the Patriot were taping signals? Honestly? And is taping signals even cheating when you consider that hiring a guy to sit in the binoculars and basically do the same thing is somehow perfectly legal? Really? Can anyone really explain to me the difference?

One would think - logically - that a chain of events where the Patriots "cheated" (kind of) were caught, punished and lost the Super Bowl would be enough for a rational, intelligent populace. But no, now we have people who want forfeits and astericks. What really needs to happen is the American public needs to come to terms with their immature concept of revenge and perhaps elect a Pennsylvania senator with some sense of perspective - one that doesn't hold congressional hearings on steriods in Major League Baseball or waste everyone's time by having a public temper tantrum based on hearsay and events that happened in September.

"Gee, the economy is in the tank, we're stuck in a horrific situation in the middle east, people are getting evicted left and right and the oil companies are soaking us for billions. I know, let's distract people by holding a pity party over the Eagles losing the Super Bowl."

Unbelievable. Oh wait, W is our president. American Idol. The continued existence of MTV. This is now completely believable.

End of rant.

Somebody smash this man's keyboard...

I should really loan my cat out to people who need their computers destroyed. Case in point is FoxNews "personality" Bill O'Reilly. When we last heard from Mr. No Spin Zone, he was trying to tell us that he wasn't racist by musing that a restaurant in Harlem did not feature people screaming the f-word at the top of our lungs. Which of course is the reason why the Klan hates black people: they despise people who use obscenities. The whole shebang was lampooned mercilessly in the press (Opie and Anthony in particular had some fun at Bill's expense) and at the end of day, the problem isn't that it Bill O'Reilly is a racist - he probably isn't - he problem is that he used the lamest possible explanation that he isn't. It was even dumber than the old "some of my best friends are black people!" line because he had to use an idiotic stereotype (all African Americans scream motherf***er at random intervals, right?) to prove his completely unneccessary point. The lesson is: if you don't want people to think you're a racist DON'T TRY SO HARD.

Well, all that was good fun, but unfortunately, Mr. O'Reilly writes a weekly column that if anyone was paying attention, would be just as heavily parodied. In the most recent column http://www.billoreilly.com/currentarticle, he chastises the liberal media (this is always a sign that your column is going to suck) for not reporting on infighting in the Daily Kos between Hilary Clinton supporters and Barack Obama supporters. Here's the problem with Bill O'Reilly's column: does anyone really care what the Daily Kos has to say about anything? Aside from die hard liberals who already hate Hilary anyways? I mean, why would the general media pick up a story on what some lunatics from the far left have to say on their message boards? The only people who would care are conservatives who are hard up for column ideas and people on Daily Kos. For everyone else, this is a colossal waste of time. Hey, at least the Daily Kos now has something in common with most of the people who take Fox News seriously: they both hate Hilary.

This would be like me trying to leak to the general media that the college hockey community really hates small burying rodents and is generally hostile towards men in striped jersies who officiate hockey games. It's a total non-story.

Sadly, that's not the dumbest thing I've ever read in a Bill O'Reilly column. Earlier, Mr. O'Reilly decided that it was worth it to once again chastise the liberal media (do you sense a pattern here?) for not embracing the wholesome family goodness that is "High School Musical 2: Electric Boogaloo". Could the reason why the "liberal media" is not fawning over themselves be because everyone is sick to the gills with this tween media silliness? Especially parents of children from the ages of 6 to 11 who already had to mortgage the f***ing house to buy "Hannah Montana" tickets? Could that be it? Or is the liberal media just really really hateful towards poor Zak Effron? Either way, I do get the impression that if given the decision between watching the family unfriendly, expletive laden "Goodfellas" or "High School Musical Two: The Wrath of Khan", Bill O'Reilly is going to chose "Goodfellas" just like the rest of us.

I'll save you a seat Bill. Just make sure you bring the popcorn.