I've come to the conclusion that none of the three remaining candidates should be president. No instead, our new president should be British comedian Eddie Izzard. Here are my reasons:
-Can speak multiple languages. And in many cases, he can speak them sounding like James Mason or Sean Connery.
-Can identify with women largely because he's an "action" transvestite.
-Understands that yes, "Badgers can be choosers".
-Cake or Death platform opens the American public up to a new realm of deliciousness.
-Wants to bring people together because that would be groovy.
-Would ban violence in the Death Star cantina involving trays.
-Knows pain: he was once beaten up because his name is not Tracy (but in a fun way!) and had losing his virginity vetoed.
-Invented a helicopter that goes underwater (that does not work).
-Argued with a French language lab.
-Already smarter than our current president. If only because of late night TV and Wikipedia.
-Revealed to us the scam that cats have been using on us for too long. They aren't purring, they're drilling!
There are many more reasons, but clearly Mr Izzard is the man for America.