I had to do some sort of tribute to George Carlin, one of my favorite comedians of all time. I'm very grateful that I got to see him live a few months ago. Here are some of my favorite lines (or at least the one's I could say on the radio):
"Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen, that we passed chickens in goodness. Name 6 ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? ‘Cause chickens are decent people."
"Tonight's forecast: Dark."
"Did you ever notice that whenever you get two groups of people who really hate each other, they're wearing different hats. Keep that in mind, it could be important."
"But I don't pray to sun. Do you know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. That's because he's the kind of guy who can get things done."
"'Boy, he really takes the cake.' Where? Where do you take a cake? To the movies? Do you know where I'd take a cake? To the bakery. To look at the other cakes."
"Here's another bunch of ignorant ****: school uniforms. Bad theory. The idea that if kids wear uniforms to school it helps keep order. Don't these schools do enough damage makin' all these kids think alike? Now they're gonna make them look alike too? And it's not a new idea. I first saw it in news reels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand 'cause the narration was in German!"
"Question number one: 'Did you pack your bags yourself?' No, Carrot Top packed my bags."
"Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: 'We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.'"
"Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast."
"They can't fool me, man. 'Shoot' is **** with two 'o's."