Hey Joey Porter?

What do you have to say today?

I'm dying to know...

Imagination and broohahas!

"You've heard of the French nation? Well, this is the Imagi-nation!"
-Kris Kringle, A Miracle on 34th Street

Say this about Joey Porter, he has a healthy imagination. In his mind, he's already won 2 extra Super Bowl titles. I'm jealous: when I was a kid, they best I could imagine was owning a time machine! I'm just curious, in his fantasy kingdom, does he own a pony?

I know the Spygate flap generated a lot of goofiness, but is this true of other NFL players? Are there 300 people floating around the NFL all imagining they would have won multiple Super Bowl titles if only the Pat's hadn't used videotape? (because it's perfectly legal to use other methods of spying for some reason that will never - EVER - be explained to the general public. Yeah.)

Speaking of delusions, the Montreal Canadiens have somehow reached the rather bizarre conclusion that the team's some times somnambulant performances this year can be boiled down to one thing: Milan Lucic's refusal to fight Georges Laraque. Huh? Let's face facts - Lucic is a fun player. He can score goals, he can hit people and get under the skin of teams and he can certainly handle himself in a fight. But Laraque would kill him and apparently, the Bruins are aware of this and told Lucic not to fight Laraque on Saturday night. This is an amusing subplot. Unfortunately, it came back to bite Montreal in the rear as Lucic scored one of the goals that allowed the B's to earn an overtime shoot out "win" (I'm sorry, even when the Bruins "win" the shootout still sucks). So, not only are the Bruins 2-0-1 against a team they couldn't beat at all last year, but they now they're winning mind games against les Blue, Rouge et Blanc too.

I might be wrong about this - I haven't been alive for most of this one-sided rivalry - but isn't it usually the Bruins who are obsessed with "making points" and "dropping the gloves" and the Habs who go about actually winning the games? I know the Bruins were obsessed with winning fights against Montreal last year and their inability to get one win against les Habs last year proves this to be a poor strategy. So why is an intelligent franchise like the Canadiens buying into this circus sideshow? Am I missing something? Did the Canadiens establish their dynasty by scoring, defense, and goaltending, or were Rocket Richard, Jean Belliveau, and Guy LaFleur actually giant Hansenesque cementheads who pummeled everyone into submission? One of the criticisms against Laraque is that he doesn't do the requisite illegal hitting to initiate fights. Fancy that, he acts like a human being instead of a giant goon!

I'm not one of these people who wants to ban fighting from hockey, but the obsession with fisticuffmanship that the Habs are indulging in is at least as funny as Joey Porter and the Super Bowl rings he likes to look at while he rides his Pegasus over to Gum Drop Mountain.

Rant of the week: Inspecting the white flag

There's probably little room for optimism if you're one of the dwindling amount of PC hockey fans who has had their hearts ripped out Mola Ram style by the awful start this team has had in Hockey East. Fortunately, I'm not stupid enough to argue that this ISN'T the worst season PC has had since the formation of Hockey East.

Let's look at the facts. The team is 0-6-1 and just blew their best chance of the season to get a win at home against a decent - but not spectacular - Maine team that spent all of last year in the basement. Coming up on the schedule is a UML team that might have some question marks, but that is certainly better than PC. Then we have the Skating Mother Theresas, playing at home in a place where PC never wins. Yeah, it looks bleak. It looks like PC is going to be 0-8-1 in the league and staring down a last place finish. And it's also entirely possible that this team will never win a game for the rest of the season. It's not LIKELY, but it could happen.

So at this point, I'm certainly not going to abandon the team. I've sat through my share of bad seasons. At most, I won't attend as many games - especially since I haven't seen this team win in almost 10 months (or close to it!). I'm not even going to call for Tim Army's head - yet. What I'm going to do is root for this team to get their heads out of their posteriors and not get too disappointed when it doesn't happen.

I look at it this way. I can acknowledge that the team has problems. But I'm not morally obligated to watch them struggle in each and every game. What I'd like to see happen is for the team to win a game in Hockey East. I want to see if this will lead to some confidence and maybe a modest winning streak. I don't think the Friars are a bad team: they just aren't playing well enough to win. They screw up too many offensive opportunities and give up too many scoring chances. And the special teams are awful. If the Friars can turn one or two of these things around, they MIGHT escape the basement. And that might entice a few of us back on the bandwagon. You've heard of cautious optimism? This is cautious pessimism.

Rant of the week:

-Again, on the trash talking: I sense people are stunned that the Patriots are not engaging in a war of words with mouthy idiot Joey Porter. Here's the thing: when your team wins by the margin the Dol-Frauds did the last time they were in Foxborough, you can talk all the trash you want. It's irrelevant because Miami won the game. I would have more of a problem with Mr. Porter displaying his vast lack of class had the Dol-frauds lost the game. Then, it's just pathetic. Besides, why get into a urinating match with a skunk?

-Hi Mark!