The Sports Guy (gasp!) gets it right
I don't often give Bill Simmons credit, but he is right on this issue. Scott Boras has a LOT to answer for. Or, Manny is bi-polar. Either explanation works.
I particularly like the snarky comment about the Globe/NESN/WEEI/WRKO regurgitating the company line. Tee hee.
I apologize for the lack of snark here, but as a married man, I have to start acting like a grown up. (kidding!)
Showing posts with label ESPN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ESPN. Show all posts
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Early morning in Roslindale: Radio choices
As many of you have figured out, I'm constantly waging a battle between whether or not to listen to my CD player or the radio. Given that I'm not about to lavish money on satellite radio just so I can listen to Howard Stern (uh, no), it's either the CD player or the radio for me. So let's match up my CD player with my radio listening options:
"The Takeaway"(NPR)- Maybe it's just me, but I keep hoping an on air brawl takes place between John Hockenberry, Adaora Udoji, and Femi Oki (who has the best name! Let us decide using the Wu Tang Sword Style!). It would certainly make the pledge drives more exciting.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Doesn't matter, since it only runs until 7 and I'm usually not in my car by that point.
"Morning Edition" (umm, also NPR): It's NPR. It's there. Like a comfortable pair of shoes.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Jon's CD player in a walk
"The Tom Finneran Show"(WRKO): Except for Red Sox games, WRKO is so utterly useless it defies description. To counteract the fact that they have the completely irrelevant Rush Limbaugh and the Pink Hamster on their station, WRKO decided to hire the poster boy of entrenched liberal power. And his show is just as awful as every other piece of excrement on this station. Good to see them stay fair and balanced.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Jon's CD player. The only way I could listen to this show would be if I was in a coma
"Opie and Anthony" (WBCN): The caveat is I'm basically listening to hear Jimmy Norton make fun of people. He's hilarious. Opie and Anthony aren't bad, but Norton doesn't get enough credit. Patrice is a riot too.
Versus Jon's CD Player: O and A, depending on who is on
"the Sandbox" (WFNX): Kind of like a more upbeat, happier version of the Toucher and Rich Show. And they play music! Granted, it's not always music I like (please STOP whoring for Coldplay), but it's music.
Versus Jon's CD Player: The radio. Unless it's Coldplay (again)
"Mike and Mike"(ESPN): Hey, it's average guys! Who like sports! What a concept!
Versus Jon's CD Player: The CD player. If I want average people discussing sports, I'll just talk to myself. Hey, I already do!
"Dennis and Callahan"(WEEI): Sometimes, you want to hear about sports. However, I never really want to hear whining about late games, running up the score, Manny bashing, liberal bashing and golf at 7 in the morning. Sorry. However, if they're on vacation, the show really isn't that bad!
Versus Jon's CD Player: The CD player runs up the score like Belichick here
"Imus" (wherever he ended up): His voice would make a sea cucumber murderous.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Take a wild guess.
"Hillman morning show" (WAAF): An awful collision of no music, bad parody songs, whiny self important liberal bashing, the atrocity known as "Mantown" and Spazz - the worst person I've ever heard on radio. Imagine someone as annoying as Mister Opportunity and as stupid as a Adolfo with the worst Boston accent ever. I shudder to think of listening to this for more than five minutes.
Versus Jon's CD Player: CD player. I like music!
"Jazz!" (the Harvard station. Wherever that is...)- Unfortunately, I'm all jazzed out by the time I go to bed in the evening. Thanks to Eric... in the evening. Sorry.
Versus Jon's CD Player: CD player, assuming it's not more jazz
"The Takeaway"(NPR)- Maybe it's just me, but I keep hoping an on air brawl takes place between John Hockenberry, Adaora Udoji, and Femi Oki (who has the best name! Let us decide using the Wu Tang Sword Style!). It would certainly make the pledge drives more exciting.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Doesn't matter, since it only runs until 7 and I'm usually not in my car by that point.
"Morning Edition" (umm, also NPR): It's NPR. It's there. Like a comfortable pair of shoes.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Jon's CD player in a walk
"The Tom Finneran Show"(WRKO): Except for Red Sox games, WRKO is so utterly useless it defies description. To counteract the fact that they have the completely irrelevant Rush Limbaugh and the Pink Hamster on their station, WRKO decided to hire the poster boy of entrenched liberal power. And his show is just as awful as every other piece of excrement on this station. Good to see them stay fair and balanced.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Jon's CD player. The only way I could listen to this show would be if I was in a coma
"Opie and Anthony" (WBCN): The caveat is I'm basically listening to hear Jimmy Norton make fun of people. He's hilarious. Opie and Anthony aren't bad, but Norton doesn't get enough credit. Patrice is a riot too.
Versus Jon's CD Player: O and A, depending on who is on
"the Sandbox" (WFNX): Kind of like a more upbeat, happier version of the Toucher and Rich Show. And they play music! Granted, it's not always music I like (please STOP whoring for Coldplay), but it's music.
Versus Jon's CD Player: The radio. Unless it's Coldplay (again)
"Mike and Mike"(ESPN): Hey, it's average guys! Who like sports! What a concept!
Versus Jon's CD Player: The CD player. If I want average people discussing sports, I'll just talk to myself. Hey, I already do!
"Dennis and Callahan"(WEEI): Sometimes, you want to hear about sports. However, I never really want to hear whining about late games, running up the score, Manny bashing, liberal bashing and golf at 7 in the morning. Sorry. However, if they're on vacation, the show really isn't that bad!
Versus Jon's CD Player: The CD player runs up the score like Belichick here
"Imus" (wherever he ended up): His voice would make a sea cucumber murderous.
Versus Jon's CD Player: Take a wild guess.
"Hillman morning show" (WAAF): An awful collision of no music, bad parody songs, whiny self important liberal bashing, the atrocity known as "Mantown" and Spazz - the worst person I've ever heard on radio. Imagine someone as annoying as Mister Opportunity and as stupid as a Adolfo with the worst Boston accent ever. I shudder to think of listening to this for more than five minutes.
Versus Jon's CD Player: CD player. I like music!
"Jazz!" (the Harvard station. Wherever that is...)- Unfortunately, I'm all jazzed out by the time I go to bed in the evening. Thanks to Eric... in the evening. Sorry.
Versus Jon's CD Player: CD player, assuming it's not more jazz
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Someone Smash this Man's Keyboard Part III: the Search for Spock
Having already sent Charlie Chaplin - who did such a great job of destroying my computer - after Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly and repetitive local personality Howie Carr, I'm going to shift gears and send my cat after someone from the monolithic presence that is ESPN.
As I'm sure most people reading this blog would agree with, ESPN's Page 2 is an endless source of bad humor, 80's movie references and idiotic opinions. Basically, it was ESPN's version of the monstrosity that is sports talk radio (WFAN's Steve Sommers excluded). There are so many columnists from Page 2 I could lambaste in this blog entry - Scoop Jackson for his faux "let's keep in real style", Jim Caple's inveterate Yankees bashing which somehow makes me sympathetic to Yankee fans, and Bill Simmon's inability to go a paragraph without referencing either an eighties movie or one of his friends that I don't care about. But no, today I will go after TMQ columnist Gregg Easterbrook.
But first let me go into the reasons why Mr. Easterbrook is NOT a prime candidate for a Charlie sanctioned keyboard smashing. It is NOT because he wouldn't let go of the Spygate thing because if that were true, I'd have to have Charlie smash the keyboards of 95% of the sports media in America (hey, now there's a good idea!). And let's be fair: Belichick and Roger Goodell could have handled the scandal a lot better than they did. It would be highly hypocritical of me to trash Easterbrook for making fun of the Patriots and not similarly blast DJ Gallo or the creators of "South Park" just because their Pats bashing amuses me.
It's not because Gregg can't go a column without opining on chaos theory, aircraft carriers or the Westminster Dog Show, even if I could care less about what he thinks about non-sports relating things (see my comments about the Dennis and Callahan show for details). It's not his irritating belief that he can tell when a game is over by whether or not a coach settles for a field goal. It's not even because his obsession with posting pictures of cheerleaders and bikini models make his column impossible to read at work without getting fired for violating your company's sexual harassment policy.
No, the real reason I'm going to beat up on TMQ is because the column is insanely long. I know that my fault - whether it be blogging or writing random content for The Coffin Online - is that I tend to get carried away and my writing style tends to look more like my mind vomited on the screen rather than a carefully edited piece. The difference between the Coffin Online and TMQ is that I'm not being paid to write the Coffin Online. And - sad to say - no one reads my webpage. Most PC fans don't even know it exists. Mr. Easterbrook is a nationally read columnist on a website run by the most popular sports news station in America. His verbosity is inexcusable. Clearly, someone has to step in and edit.
I love reading authors who can be long winded (Tolkien, Dickens, Tolstoy and Dostoyevski) or insanely obscure and difficult (Joyce, Faulkner, and Pynchon) but I'm not really sure I need that in an ONLINE COLUMN. The perfect online column should be just long enough to read during lunch break. Reading TMQ is an all day affair and that's why I'd like to send my cat to smash his keyboard.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I have these great ideas, you see...
I have these wonderful ideas for a blog, but I'm probably not going to do them. With college hockey season ending, I need to expand my focus. There won't be a lot of news about PC until the schedule gets announced. Following the Frozen Four, there won't be lot of college hockey to talk about at all. So, that leaves other sports, and I feel like I've already covered that.
Here are a list of topics, I'd like to cover in my blog in the near future - while I'm waiting for the NBA/NHL playoffs and for the Red Sox to start playing "important games" (who the HELL cares what the team looks like in April or May?!?!?).
Spygate! I'm so sick of Spygate that I could vomit chess pieces. People keep "hinting" that they have dirt on the Patriots and ESPN keeps following along like a pack of golden retrievers with learning disabilities. So far, we have seen NOTHING concrete aside from the the tapes that Roger Goodell destroyed. And the reason the NFL destroyed the tapes is because he didn't want them being leaked the press. The press won't let this go because of two reasons:
1. They hate the Patriots, probably because the Pats aren't as cool, exciting, (or as cocaine addled) as the Dallas Cowboys. When did hating someone become an actual newsworthy event? My blog isn't fantastic, but it would be twenty times worse if I spent all my time berating the Lakers, Canandiens, Yankees, Rangers FC, BU or any other team I was pissed off at. Maybe I'm missing this and I should just start a "I hate Duke" page and bond with every UNC hoops fan in the country. Yee haw!
2. Sports journalism is about nine times more boring than you think. Why else would Bill Simmons spend any amount of time comparing the coaching staff of the Sacramento Kings to a minor character from "Karate Kid II"? Oooh, Barry Bonds used steriods? You don't say?
I grow weary of hearing "Where there's smoke,there's fire" when no one can actually point out that there is indeed smoke.
Cheesy Rock Three Way Dance: I might actually do this one. Who is more cheesy?
Journey?
Styxx?
Foreigner?
Come on, don't you want to know if "Don't Stop Believing" is really sillier than "Come Sail Away" or "Hot Blooded"? I feel like I would have to reference the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" episode where the Mooninites stole the Foreigner belt and Carl had to defend Loverboy.
Why I no longer follow professional wrestling: I know someone will make fun of me for this, but I used to like wrestling. I liked it during the Hulk Hogan era of the WWF. I liked it during the revival of the late nineties with WCW, WWF, and ECW - the one with Goldberg, Stone Cold, the Rock, HHH, and Chris Jericho. And I came back briefly when Vince McMahon resurrected ECW. But now I don't like it because it's stupid and Jenny makes fun of me when I watch it. Actually, maybe I don't need to expound on this topic...
I give up, here's random Chili Guy quotes:
"Can't go back to Dedham Supreme nevah who I am!"
"Oh I see, again with the gift cards! Whatever happened to signings, do the right thing, and family problems?"
"Ya gotta take the money, Kadolpho!"
"Point blank, I'm never slow. Point blank, he's a little slow."
"David Ortiz can't carry this Buffalo Bills franchise."
"If I asked you for 13 million eights - 13 million billion eights, do think you could get that to finance this deal?"
"OJ, I never heard of no OJ, but if you want the real Mark Furman, I'll tell you who the f----ing guy is, right here!"
"The Vatican is the big guy today."
"We're looking at a conference in the city of Boston or the state of Massachusetts on RACKETEERING charges!"
Ghost Hunters: Why don't they ever find a ghost? I mean, wouldn't they get lucky eventually?
Here are a list of topics, I'd like to cover in my blog in the near future - while I'm waiting for the NBA/NHL playoffs and for the Red Sox to start playing "important games" (who the HELL cares what the team looks like in April or May?!?!?).
Spygate! I'm so sick of Spygate that I could vomit chess pieces. People keep "hinting" that they have dirt on the Patriots and ESPN keeps following along like a pack of golden retrievers with learning disabilities. So far, we have seen NOTHING concrete aside from the the tapes that Roger Goodell destroyed. And the reason the NFL destroyed the tapes is because he didn't want them being leaked the press. The press won't let this go because of two reasons:
1. They hate the Patriots, probably because the Pats aren't as cool, exciting, (or as cocaine addled) as the Dallas Cowboys. When did hating someone become an actual newsworthy event? My blog isn't fantastic, but it would be twenty times worse if I spent all my time berating the Lakers, Canandiens, Yankees, Rangers FC, BU or any other team I was pissed off at. Maybe I'm missing this and I should just start a "I hate Duke" page and bond with every UNC hoops fan in the country. Yee haw!
2. Sports journalism is about nine times more boring than you think. Why else would Bill Simmons spend any amount of time comparing the coaching staff of the Sacramento Kings to a minor character from "Karate Kid II"? Oooh, Barry Bonds used steriods? You don't say?
I grow weary of hearing "Where there's smoke,there's fire" when no one can actually point out that there is indeed smoke.
Cheesy Rock Three Way Dance: I might actually do this one. Who is more cheesy?
Journey?
Styxx?
Foreigner?
Come on, don't you want to know if "Don't Stop Believing" is really sillier than "Come Sail Away" or "Hot Blooded"? I feel like I would have to reference the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" episode where the Mooninites stole the Foreigner belt and Carl had to defend Loverboy.
Why I no longer follow professional wrestling: I know someone will make fun of me for this, but I used to like wrestling. I liked it during the Hulk Hogan era of the WWF. I liked it during the revival of the late nineties with WCW, WWF, and ECW - the one with Goldberg, Stone Cold, the Rock, HHH, and Chris Jericho. And I came back briefly when Vince McMahon resurrected ECW. But now I don't like it because it's stupid and Jenny makes fun of me when I watch it. Actually, maybe I don't need to expound on this topic...
I give up, here's random Chili Guy quotes:
"Can't go back to Dedham Supreme nevah who I am!"
"Oh I see, again with the gift cards! Whatever happened to signings, do the right thing, and family problems?"
"Ya gotta take the money, Kadolpho!"
"Point blank, I'm never slow. Point blank, he's a little slow."
"David Ortiz can't carry this Buffalo Bills franchise."
"If I asked you for 13 million eights - 13 million billion eights, do think you could get that to finance this deal?"
"OJ, I never heard of no OJ, but if you want the real Mark Furman, I'll tell you who the f----ing guy is, right here!"
"The Vatican is the big guy today."
"We're looking at a conference in the city of Boston or the state of Massachusetts on RACKETEERING charges!"
Ghost Hunters: Why don't they ever find a ghost? I mean, wouldn't they get lucky eventually?
Monday, March 10, 2008
10 Reasons Why the NHL is Crap
I love hockey. But not the NHL. And here is why.
10. Rule changes. While I do like the elimination of two line offsides, this nonsense with the "trapezoid" and the sudden inability of two players to look at each other crosseyed without getting a penalty is comical.
9. Endless power plays! Because of rule number 10, it seems like wwwaaaayyyy too many games get decided by the guys in stripes. That's not hockey. I don't know what sport that is, but it isn't hockey. How about some 5 on 5 action?
8. The shootouts I hate them. I know some people like them, but what was wrong with having ties? The penalty shot might be "the most exciting moment in hockey" (TM), but not if it happens 50 times a week.
7. Crappy music College hockey is not immune to crappy rock/pop music (Schneider Arena, anyone?) or repetetive music ("Hail to the Victors"? Again?!), but the NHL has descended into the same level as the NBA with this silliness. Less piped in music, more ORGANS. And more to the point, we probably shouldn't be drowning out crowd noise.
6. Horrible horrible officiating Did anyone actually think that letting the refs make more calls was a good idea? Hockey is a tough sport to officiate. Do we really need to make it harder?
5. Continuing to allow Jeremy Jacobs to own a team No explanation needed, I would think.
4. Over expansion I feel like Abe Simpson, but there are too many teams in too many cities where no one cares about hockey. Please eliminate ten of them.
3. ESPN Most of the NHL's wounds are self inflicted. But the move of the general public away from ice hockey was accelerated by ESPN and their bloody idiotic programming options. Aside from pissing me off with their lame "Spygate" obsession and hiring some of the dumbest people to ever pick up a microphone (I'm still waiting for the Yankees "dynasty" to win a trophy this millenium, you ignorant nimrods), ESPN continues to promote lame idiocy like the NFL draft, the World Series of Poker, and - my personal favorite - the short lived series on Barry Bonds. Ugh. Why do we put up with this excrement?
2. The NHL is stupid Season crippling strikes at critical times? Check. A total lack of discipline - should we really allow the Flyers to attempt to kill opposing players in every game? - Check. Horrible labor and management decisions? Check. Insane television contracts? Check. The list goes on.
1. Cup winners I'm not snobbish enough to say that fans from Tampa Bay, Carolina, and Anaheim SHOULDN'T see their teams win a cup, but it would be nice to see a team from the North - especially Canada - win one of these things for once. Obviously, the NHL can't do a blessed thing about this, but one of these years, the league has to luck out and have a Canadian champion and/or a champ from early expansion or the Original Six. Right? I don't think it creates a ton of interest when teams the average person has never heard of are winning this thing.
There you go. No suggestions, just complaints.
10. Rule changes. While I do like the elimination of two line offsides, this nonsense with the "trapezoid" and the sudden inability of two players to look at each other crosseyed without getting a penalty is comical.
9. Endless power plays! Because of rule number 10, it seems like wwwaaaayyyy too many games get decided by the guys in stripes. That's not hockey. I don't know what sport that is, but it isn't hockey. How about some 5 on 5 action?
8. The shootouts I hate them. I know some people like them, but what was wrong with having ties? The penalty shot might be "the most exciting moment in hockey" (TM), but not if it happens 50 times a week.
7. Crappy music College hockey is not immune to crappy rock/pop music (Schneider Arena, anyone?) or repetetive music ("Hail to the Victors"? Again?!), but the NHL has descended into the same level as the NBA with this silliness. Less piped in music, more ORGANS. And more to the point, we probably shouldn't be drowning out crowd noise.
6. Horrible horrible officiating Did anyone actually think that letting the refs make more calls was a good idea? Hockey is a tough sport to officiate. Do we really need to make it harder?
5. Continuing to allow Jeremy Jacobs to own a team No explanation needed, I would think.
4. Over expansion I feel like Abe Simpson, but there are too many teams in too many cities where no one cares about hockey. Please eliminate ten of them.
3. ESPN Most of the NHL's wounds are self inflicted. But the move of the general public away from ice hockey was accelerated by ESPN and their bloody idiotic programming options. Aside from pissing me off with their lame "Spygate" obsession and hiring some of the dumbest people to ever pick up a microphone (I'm still waiting for the Yankees "dynasty" to win a trophy this millenium, you ignorant nimrods), ESPN continues to promote lame idiocy like the NFL draft, the World Series of Poker, and - my personal favorite - the short lived series on Barry Bonds. Ugh. Why do we put up with this excrement?
2. The NHL is stupid Season crippling strikes at critical times? Check. A total lack of discipline - should we really allow the Flyers to attempt to kill opposing players in every game? - Check. Horrible labor and management decisions? Check. Insane television contracts? Check. The list goes on.
1. Cup winners I'm not snobbish enough to say that fans from Tampa Bay, Carolina, and Anaheim SHOULDN'T see their teams win a cup, but it would be nice to see a team from the North - especially Canada - win one of these things for once. Obviously, the NHL can't do a blessed thing about this, but one of these years, the league has to luck out and have a Canadian champion and/or a champ from early expansion or the Original Six. Right? I don't think it creates a ton of interest when teams the average person has never heard of are winning this thing.
There you go. No suggestions, just complaints.
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